Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sick Day(s)

Ugh. I despise being sick, but here I am, lying in our bed, while my gracious husband is cleaning up our kitchen. (we have a lovely Christmas visitor in the form of a mouse!)

I rarely get really sick-I had a bit of congestion earlier this fall, but it was mostly allergies and such; I haven't been knocked out like this in a looong while. I stayed home on Wednesday this week for part of the day; I was tired and blah, but nothing too awful. Then Friday morning I woke up and whoa. Hello man-voice. Hello pounding head. Hello just plain awfulness.

I stayed home all day Friday and 'rested'. Ha. My form of resting was reviewing CN and submitting a report and checking emails. I did, however, manage a short nap, read a little bit, and watched Anne of Avonlea. And my work was done from a comfy perch on the sofa, so I think that counts. Kind of. I have SUCH a difficult time just doing nothing. Especially when that 'doing nothing' transfers to days of doing nothing.

Saturday I slept in until 10:45. 10:45!!! What the...? Then I just hung around the house, watching Food Network, until we went to see a movie in the afternoon. I figured that getting out of the house for that couldn't be much different than watching a movie at home, right? We then went to Jim's work Christmas party. I shouldn't have gone, but far be it from me to stay at home when there's a party going on! :S It was a lot of fun, and I'm glad I went, but I feel like poo again today. I am. In bed. Mouse poop being cleaned up in the kitchen without me. Well...maybe there are some reasons to be thankful I'm sick-I don't mind leaving the mouse poop for someone else. ;)

My husband keeps coming in to tell me I 'should be sleeping' and not on the I suppose I'll stop my random jaunt of typing *insert sneeze here* just to pass the time and try to actually get some REAL rest.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankfulness just doesn't seem enough

I can never decide whether to first name my blog post and write off of that, or write my blog and name it at the end. This time, I've started without a name...we'll see where it ends up.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving-the day where we celebrate the blessings in our life; the things we're grateful for like our homes, families, good food, etc. And for these, I am thankful. But for so much more than this. We talked about thankfulness at our small group last week, and how our thankfulness shouldn't lie in our blessings-or even in learning through trials-these are all just things in our life. Our true thankfulness should lie in Who God is; His truth, His character. When our thankfulness begins there, it also ends there. There is nothing more important, more crucial, more of a blessing.

It's odd-I can write about this, and grasp it in my own mind to an extent. I know it's truth, and say I believe it, but struggle to live it out in my daily life. Thank God for grace. I tend to put a lot of stock in what people say and/or think, and in my professional life, this tends to overwhelm me. I am the 'go-to' person for a lot of things, and enjoy my role greatly. This also consistently puts me in situations where I am the one that has to handle issues, give correction, etc. and I become consumed with trying to make everyone happy at all times, and to make all things go smoothly; part of this is my pride, wanting to be able to handle every situation that arises. Part of it is wanting to be a 'good' boss/business partner, etc. and not have anyone upset, ever. Hello Alisha, this is reality, people are fallen, and I'm not perfect. Shocking, I know.

But, in all of this, His grace is sufficient for me. There is nothing more I need to know, nothing more to trust, than that when I am weak, Christ is strong. Not only strong, but His power is displayed all the more when I am weak. Oh, to be able to live in that truth daily-knowing His love and grace are more than enough to get me through any long day, any circumstance that I may face. And I am truly grateful. And I am grateful that God has chosen to use me in a way to minister to a very incredible population, and that I just happen to get a paycheck to do it.

Jesus, cast a look on me
Give me sweet simplicity
Make me poor and keep me low
Seeking only Thee to know

Oh-and I decided on a name for the post. :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I should have been born in the 1800s.

And in England, for that matter. I'm an old soul, I admit it. I love Pride and Prejudice-I would talk in the accent if I could, but I can't (just as Jim)-so I settle for at least using words and phrases like "nonsensical" and "lack of propriety".

This post stems from the fact that today, my day off (praise the LORD!!) I was extremely excited to make-and can-apple butter. Yep, sometimes I act like an 80 year old woman, and I'm happy to say it. I'm also excited to clean and organize my house, possibly read some Anne of Avonlea (right up there with Pride and Prejudice) and enjoy this gorgeous fall day.

I'll try to post pictures of my apple butter making attempt after it's all done and I know it tastes good! :)

P.S.-I would advocate for reading the book first, but if you're going to watch the movie, go with the 5 1/2 hour A & E version of Pride and Prejudice. Anything else is just nonsensical.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Rainy days are good for pondering...

Rain. Nothing is quite so comforting to the soul as a rainy day. Coffee all day long, a warm bowl of lentil soup for lunch, boots, just feels good.

I think part of the reason I like rainy days is that they force me to slow down, to just drink life in a little bit more and not rush so much. (except to and from the car maybe to avoid getting drenched) I feel like I take a step back, look at my life, and just breathe. Ahhhh....doesn't it just give some life to your soul?

I am a constantly busy person. Some because I have to be; a lot because of choice. I love people, I love traveling, I love seeing, doing and trying everything life has to offer, and somehow, I'm convinced it should all fit neatly into one 24 hour period. Yeah, right. Alas, I still haven't quite grasped the concept that relaxing doesn't equal laziness and that home is sometimes, (oftentimes) a much better place to spend my time than other options.

So, thank you, rainy day. For slowing me down, making me stop, listen and look around at all the beauty that surrounds my everyday life; that lies in making a pot of soup, doing some laundry, and listening to the pitter-patter of drops against the window. It is a good day.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Delicious Autumn!

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."-George Eliot

(random bit of fact: George Eliot isn't really himself; he's a girl. It's her pen name-look it up)

Let me start this post by noting the irony of my last post entitled "I need to start blogging more" was dated May 12. Oh well, can't win 'em all I suppose...

Oh, how I love this time of year! Everything about fall just makes me smile; I have a renewed energy for life-it's just beautiful. I love things about each season, to be sure; but by the time summer is winding down I'm ready for a relief from the heat, ready to feel a cool breeze blowing through my house, ready to have to wrap myself in a sweater just to sit on the porch drinking my coffee in the morning.

For me, Autumn starts as of September 1st (who cares what that calendar says!). Some years, this works in my favor, as it starts cooling off and while other people are complaining that "summer isn't over yet! why is it cold?" I'm doing an inner dance (sometimes outwardly too...) This year, however, summer has lasted...and lasted...and lasted.

The first "official" day of fall was Thursday, and I think the high was somewhere around 96 degrees. I tried to make it a fallish day, but when you're sweating and trying to wear the least amount of clothes possible yet still appear "professional"-it makes being all autumnal slightly difficult. I also baked pumpkin cookies this week (5 dozen...don't ask), put out the fall decor, made apple/zucchini bread, and we had our company fall picnic. All in the midst of the Indian Summer-like weather.

So, you can imagine my anticipation all week when the forecast was calling for highs in the 60s today, and rain (which has also been severely lacking). And you can subsequently imagine my utter excitement when I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain falling and realized that they may have actually had a pretty accurate forecast. Sure enough-I woke this morning to cold, wind and rain; and I did a little dance to welcome the Autumn. (the blinds were still closed, no worries)

Welcome Autumn! (on a side note, I love that my first post in 4 months was just about the weather.)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I need to start blogging more

I've noticed I only blog when I'm particularly pensive. I guess that's not a bad thing, but it'd be nice to just have random updates I'm sure. I'll work on that. :)

I have been in the weirdest funk I think I've ever had. This week I have been exhausted, angry, sad, overwhelmed and just want to avoid everyday life for some reason. I'm not exactly sure when this started, but it's a very odd feeling for me. Work has been crazy busy, which is awesome for the company, but really difficult for everyone. I'm not the only employee who is over-worked, so I know I'm not alone; I think I've just been more stressed because people always come to me to take care of everything. We're looking for someone to hire to take over the Deaf caseload; I have a full-time job without any billable time, but there are enough billable hours for the Deaf caseload for another full time person, and I'm doing both.

Actually, that may be where it started. From a few things that have recently happened, I've realized that I do always take care of things, manage whatever craziness is going on whether at work or home, and people know I can get it done. I know this is something I should be happy about, but I think it's been a little much lately. I'm not an overly outwardly emotional person, I tend to think very logically which is why I multi-task so much. But there is such a thing as too much.

We are trying to get pregnant, which is a much more emotional thing than I realized it would be. It's only been a couple of months, but I for some reason didn't know the emotional roller coaster it puts you on when it doesn't happen right away. I know God has a plan for any child that He chooses to give us, and their life is already laid out and will come in due time...but as a human, and as a girl, it does things to you I just didn't expect. I think that the feeling of being needed so much by not only a caseload of clients but also in a supervisory role, I don't feel like I have a lot of time to manage my own feelings and emotions, and I have a lot of them rolling around inside of me right now.

My husband, however, is very supportive, and I am so grateful for him! Even with my crazy moods and not even understanding everything I'm going through myself, he is just loving me, and that is more helpful than I can explain.

So...there's another pensive, random post. I really am going to work on that...

Monday, March 22, 2010

For what it's worth

I've been thinking and stewing, pondering and questioning this whole health care reform bill. (just ask my husband...that's why I'm blogging, to hopefully not bother him with more of my out-loud thoughts!) What is it, what does it really mean for me as an American, for my family, etc. What follows are some of what has been going through my mind-

Let me clarify that I did not support the passage of this bill. No, not because it may or may not have had abortion funding, or because historically I have checked the little 'R' box when voting. I opposed it because I don't think anyone really knows what all it says, and what the ramifications of it being passed in its entirety will be. You can't sum up an 1100 page bill in a single article about "What Health Care Reform Will Mean for You". We didn't come up with all of our current health care systems in one drastic why are we trying to change them all in one? Politics, that's why.

On both sides of the coin, Republican and Democrat, the votes for and against this bill were, overall, just a political game. (note: I am not saying all votes were based on this, but I do think an overwhelming majority were) I did appreciate some of the logical arguments that I heard both for and against it (it could federally fund abortions, there were special favors built in, it will provide coverage for people with cancer and other pre-existing conditions, etc.). However, I kept hearing the SAME arguments from either side. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I would have gotten an F in school for summarizing only 4 or 5 main points of an 1100 page book. What I am saying is, whatever side you're on, this was not researched thoroughly enough. And I'm willing to bet that the Democrats weren't the only ones getting their backs scratched to win votes.

That brings me to another related topic. I am neither Republican nor Democrat. You may be thinking...wait a minute-what? Something that I think this whole issue has brought out more than anything else in recent history is that there are a large number of people in the Christian realm who identify the terms 'Christian' and 'Republican' to mean the same thing. If this comes as a shock, I'm sorry but, they don't. (and along the same lines, 'Democrat' doesn't mean 'Satan-worshipping baby-killer' either) I think being Christian means holding to Godly principles-all of them, not just 'pet' projects that are the media-attention grabbers.

Before you start thinking "That's it, she's gone liberal"...I shall attempt to explain my thought process. Republicans and Christians alike are noted for their pro-life stance. Good! I am 100% pro-life all the time, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Funny thing about being pro-life, that means quality of life for people after they are born too: especially the disabled, poor, sick, orphans, widows, etc. (reference James 1 in the Bible if you're curious on that one). And, I have no problem saying, Democrats tend to trump Republicans on focusing on this one.

I don't think that the general Democratic way of going about it is always right (i.e. I am NOT in support of socialized healthcare), however, good for them for making an attempt. People know I work with the disabled population, but a lot of people don't know that it also includes a lot of underprivileged, disadvantaged people as well. Yes, a lot of them are black and a lot of them live in the 'ghetto'. And guess what? A lot of them are trying to just get someone to give them a fair shake, and a lot of Christians/Republicans I know would group them in the "get a job and stop mooching" category. I'll clue you in here: they can't get a job if no one is willing to give them an opportunity.

Yes, there are a lot of people who misuse the government aid that is available and that is shameful. I think a lot of those programs need some reform themselves. But there are a lot of people that do not. Sadly, they get grouped in based on economic status, color of skin, or where they live. Since when did American Christians decide that it is OK to travel to a foreign, poverty-stricken country to help those in need (who also may have made some seriously poor life choices), but that "those kind of people" here in the U.S. don't need to see the love of Christ just as much? And not in an 'I feel sorry for you' kind of way, but in a genuine, Christ-centered, let me come to your house and give you some much needed food, or heat, or paint...or whatever.

Whatever your opinion on health care, on politics, on our President...if you're a Christian, let's remember that that is where our identity is to lie. Not with a political party, not with just one hot-button issue, but in the fact that we are all sinners saved by the grace of a loving and sovereign God. And that puts us all on the same playing field. So, next time we're prone to complain about someone misusing the system, or needing to work, or whatever, stop and ask can I help? Maybe they just need someone to show them the basics of how to work (you'd be surprised how many people haven't been taught that), or maybe they just need some encouragement and support. If we don't reach out as a church body, why do we expect our government to do it the right way?

So, for what it's worth...there it is. Maybe that's why they say it's only my '2 cents'. ;)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Growing Pains

It's easier said than done. I've been thinking a lot about it lately...I feel like I go through stages of feeling like life is completely balanced, and then the polar opposite of it being completely chaotic. Currently, it's been the latter. This time, however, I think I'm looking at it a little differently than the other times.

I should clarify-I don't think I'm going to ever have this constant feeling of stability (although as a woman that's what I crave)...but I think choices I am making are causing things to feel more chaotic than they need to be. Things like work vs. home. Social life vs. just relaxing. Ensuring that "me time" is edifying vs. browsing on Facebook for an hour. I don't think any of these things are bad in and of themselves, but when they take up too much time and compound on each other, life gets a little hectic.

Jim gave me a wake-up call the other day: he looked at me and said "You're working too much and it's not healthy; what do we need to do to fix that?" That kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. My husband and my home are to be my priorities, no matter how many tasks I have to complete at the office. I have been really unsettled, feeling as though I am not taking care of my family the way I should. Not in a "let me put more pressure on myself" kind of way, just in a, "Hey you. Check your priorities, now!" kind of way. :)

When work is what takes up my day, that tends to be what I get wrapped up in and I go at it full-speed. Obviously, I don't want to give a half-hearted effort at work, but I need to learn what it means to work at EVERYTHING I do as working for the Lord-that includes work, home, social life, relaxing, exercising, eating...everything. Giving 110% to one thing that leaves me exhausted to give anything to the others isn't fair...nor is it right. Growing's hard to do.