Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I need to start blogging more

I've noticed I only blog when I'm particularly pensive. I guess that's not a bad thing, but it'd be nice to just have random updates I'm sure. I'll work on that. :)

I have been in the weirdest funk I think I've ever had. This week I have been exhausted, angry, sad, overwhelmed and just want to avoid everyday life for some reason. I'm not exactly sure when this started, but it's a very odd feeling for me. Work has been crazy busy, which is awesome for the company, but really difficult for everyone. I'm not the only employee who is over-worked, so I know I'm not alone; I think I've just been more stressed because people always come to me to take care of everything. We're looking for someone to hire to take over the Deaf caseload; I have a full-time job without any billable time, but there are enough billable hours for the Deaf caseload for another full time person, and I'm doing both.

Actually, that may be where it started. From a few things that have recently happened, I've realized that I do always take care of things, manage whatever craziness is going on whether at work or home, and people know I can get it done. I know this is something I should be happy about, but I think it's been a little much lately. I'm not an overly outwardly emotional person, I tend to think very logically which is why I multi-task so much. But there is such a thing as too much.

We are trying to get pregnant, which is a much more emotional thing than I realized it would be. It's only been a couple of months, but I for some reason didn't know the emotional roller coaster it puts you on when it doesn't happen right away. I know God has a plan for any child that He chooses to give us, and their life is already laid out and will come in due time...but as a human, and as a girl, it does things to you I just didn't expect. I think that the feeling of being needed so much by not only a caseload of clients but also in a supervisory role, I don't feel like I have a lot of time to manage my own feelings and emotions, and I have a lot of them rolling around inside of me right now.

My husband, however, is very supportive, and I am so grateful for him! Even with my crazy moods and not even understanding everything I'm going through myself, he is just loving me, and that is more helpful than I can explain.

So...there's another pensive, random post. I really am going to work on that...