Saturday, March 19, 2011

Ramblings...

I stole that word from Gini Matz. (Side note...I almost typed @Gini Matz...too much Facebook anyone?) I'm trying to work on a paper and can't get myself to focus for anything. I enjoy school, I really do, but I feel like when I can't work on it during the week and have to take time out of my weekend, I despise it! Utterly.Despise. OK, maybe not quite that bad...but it's gorgeous outside, we have some family in town, and I'm sitting at a coffee shop trying to type some lovely journal reviews. I shouldn't complain. I'm blessed to be able to even get this education, and for free at that!

I am hoping starting to type on here will get the juices flowing. There's so much more going on in my life right now than school that even though I was so excited about this and still am, I feel like it's one of the absolute last things on my list of things to do. Thus the reason I'm currently working on a paper due Monday and have one Wednesday that I have yet to start...AH!

OK...enough whining...wish me luck!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Renewal

2011. Twenty-eleven, two-thousand eleven, two-oh-one-one...whatever you call it, it's a new year.

I can't believe how fast the last couple months seem to have flown by. 2010 seemed to be so very quick, yet when I sit to think about it, I realize a lot happened that seems like it was 2 or 3 years ago, but was just in the past 12 months!

People always start talking about New Year's Resolutions at this point in time, and I have to say, I've never really joined in. I mean, sure, I think about the usual "I want to exercise more" or (me especially!) "I want to blog more". Nothing substantial, nothing life-changing. I was thinking about why resolutions were started in the first place, and I think I may have it figured out. (and if I don't, humor me anyway, K? Thanks. :) )

I would compare it to spring cleaning. When the new, fresh weather comes after being cooped up all winter, you want to throw open the windows, let the breeze in and give everything a fresh new start! The same goes for NYR (what I am labeling them for the simple fact of being tired of writing it out 50 times for this post): you want to start fresh, move on from things, get rolling with new things, and a new year just seems to fit that idea (although, throwing open the windows may not be ideal at this time of year-unless you happen to live somewhere, like, I don't know...LA)

This year, I don't really have resolutions per-say, but I do have that sense of wanting to start fresh, to de-clutter, to renew. Renewing-I think that's it; that sums up what I am feeling. I've been very pensive the past week or so, very quiet and reflective about life in general. I want to really...really...I don't even know. Figure out 'me'? Figure out how all these different aspects of my life fit together and mesh it some crazy, mixed up way. I kind of feel like I have about 10 different sides to me, and that not a lot of people see every side.

I'm a business woman-I think that's one of the first things I think of about myself. I like business. Possibly love it a little bit. But a lot of my closest friends don't ever see that side of me, just hear about it. Speaking of friends, I have so many random groupings of friends; we could name them: "small group friends", "the girls", "MidWest friends" "business friends" "FedEx friends" "Special Olympics friends"...sometimes I feel like I'm the oddball on the outside of so many circles; most people tend to have a small-ish circle of friends, and then aquaintances.

I'm honestly close to a lot of people, and am glad for that, but it makes it very interesting when working 45-50 hours/week managing 15 other people's schedules, trying to maintain relationships, be a wife, take care of a home, serve at church, volunteer, do classwork.<--oh yeah, that. I start graduate school in a week. What?! Oh my. I'm excited, I'm scared, I want to jump up and down and then go hide all at the same time. And the wife thing-I'm still figuring that out. I have one awesome husband (seriously, you have no idea how awesome) but I am not always the most awesome wife...I'm so independent and hello, busy! (see above if you question that one)...he is one loving, gracious man.

Oh, and what should be first on that list? I'm a Christian. I want to figure out even what that means, really. I mean, the basics of what it means I get-trusting Christ for salvation and His working, sanctification, etc....but what does it really look like? I say quite frequently that I think typical 'American' Christianity has it so backward, and I do think that, but I haven't quite figured out what the 'forward' version is. And I don't think it's cookie cutter, I don't think there's a prescription for it. What I do know is it's all grace; without grace I am nothing but a sopping heap of a mess. I'm kind of excited about embarking on this journey: of listening, of learning, of stretching, of growing...of renewal. Kind of like maybe I'm growing up officially (I think I'll say that every year til I'm 80)...or maybe just gaining some wisdom along the way.

To start, I start as I always tend to do: de-cluttering the outside of my life. I have re-organized the furniture in the spare bedroom, our bedroom, gone through our budget (that is still in progress), finally got around to the ironing sitting around for a month, etc. I'm like a neurotic energizer bunny. But while I'm doing all of this, the inside is getting de-cluttered as well, and I like it.