Sense and Sensibility

Ramblings...

2011-03-19T13:01:00.001-07:00

I stole that word from Gini Matz. (Side note...I almost typed @Gini Matz...too much Facebook anyone?) I'm trying to work on a paper and can't get myself to focus for anything. I enjoy school, I really do, but I feel like when I can't work on it during the week and have to take time out of my weekend, I despise it! Utterly.Despise. OK, maybe not quite that bad...but it's gorgeous outside, we have some family in town, and I'm sitting at a coffee shop trying to type some lovely journal reviews. I shouldn't complain. I'm blessed to be able to even get this education, and for free at that!

I am hoping starting to type on here will get the juices flowing. There's so much more going on in my life right now than school that even though I was so excited about this and still am, I feel like it's one of the absolute last things on my list of things to do. Thus the reason I'm currently working on a paper due Monday and have one Wednesday that I have yet to start...AH!

OK...enough whining...wish me luck!

Renewal

2011-01-03T20:16:00.000-08:00

2011. Twenty-eleven, two-thousand eleven, two-oh-one-one...whatever you call it, it's a new year.

I can't believe how fast the last couple months seem to have flown by. 2010 seemed to be so very quick, yet when I sit to think about it, I realize a lot happened that seems like it was 2 or 3 years ago, but was just in the past 12 months!

People always start talking about New Year's Resolutions at this point in time, and I have to say, I've never really joined in. I mean, sure, I think about the usual "I want to exercise more" or (me especially!) "I want to blog more". Nothing substantial, nothing life-changing. I was thinking about why resolutions were started in the first place, and I think I may have it figured out. (and if I don't, humor me anyway, K? Thanks. :) )

I would compare it to spring cleaning. When the new, fresh weather comes after being cooped up all winter, you want to throw open the windows, let the breeze in and give everything a fresh new start! The same goes for NYR (what I am labeling them for the simple fact of being tired of writing it out 50 times for this post): you want to start fresh, move on from things, get rolling with new things, and a new year just seems to fit that idea (although, throwing open the windows may not be ideal at this time of year-unless you happen to live somewhere, like, I don't know...LA)

This year, I don't really have resolutions per-say, but I do have that sense of wanting to start fresh, to de-clutter, to renew. Renewing-I think that's it; that sums up what I am feeling. I've been very pensive the past week or so, very quiet and reflective about life in general. I want to really...really...I don't even know. Figure out 'me'? Figure out how all these different aspects of my life fit together and mesh it some crazy, mixed up way. I kind of feel like I have about 10 different sides to me, and that not a lot of people see every side.

I'm a business woman-I think that's one of the first things I think of about myself. I like business. Possibly love it a little bit. But a lot of my closest friends don't ever see that side of me, just hear about it. Speaking of friends, I have so many random groupings of friends; we could name them: "small group friends", "the girls", "MidWest friends" "business friends" "FedEx friends" "Special Olympics friends"...sometimes I feel like I'm the oddball on the outside of so many circles; most people tend to have a small-ish circle of friends, and then aquaintances.

I'm honestly close to a lot of people, and am glad for that, but it makes it very interesting when working 45-50 hours/week managing 15 other people's schedules, trying to maintain relationships, be a wife, take care of a home, serve at church, volunteer, do classwork.<--oh yeah, that. I start graduate school in a week. What?! Oh my. I'm excited, I'm scared, I want to jump up and down and then go hide all at the same time. And the wife thing-I'm still figuring that out. I have one awesome husband (seriously, you have no idea how awesome) but I am not always the most awesome wife...I'm so independent and hello, busy! (see above if you question that one)...he is one loving, gracious man.

Oh, and what should be first on that list? I'm a Christian. I want to figure out even what that means, really. I mean, the basics of what it means I get-trusting Christ for salvation and His working, sanctification, etc....but what does it really look like? I say quite frequently that I think typical 'American' Christianity has it so backward, and I do think that, but I haven't quite figured out what the 'forward' version is. And I don't think it's cookie cutter, I don't think there's a prescription for it. What I do know is it's all grace; without grace I am nothing but a sopping heap of a mess. I'm kind of excited about embarking on this journey: of listening, of learning, of stretching, of growing...of renewal. Kind of like maybe I'm growing up officially (I think I'll say that every year til I'm 80)...or maybe just gaining some wisdom along the way.

To start, I start as I always tend to do: de-cluttering the outside of my life. I have re-organized the furniture in the spare bedroom, our bedroom, gone through our budget (that is still in progress), finally got around to the ironing sitting around for a month, etc. I'm like a neurotic energizer bunny. But while I'm doing all of this, the inside is getting de-cluttered as well, and I like it.

Sick Day(s)

2010-12-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I despise being sick, but here I am, lying in our bed, while my gracious husband is cleaning up our kitchen. (we have a lovely Christmas visitor in the form of a mouse!)

I rarely get really sick-I had a bit of congestion earlier this fall, but it was mostly allergies and such; I haven't been knocked out like this in a looong while. I stayed home on Wednesday this week for part of the day; I was tired and blah, but nothing too awful. Then Friday morning I woke up and whoa. Hello man-voice. Hello pounding head. Hello just plain awfulness.

I stayed home all day Friday and 'rested'. Ha. My form of resting was reviewing CN and submitting a report and checking emails. I did, however, manage a short nap, read a little bit, and watched Anne of Avonlea. And my work was done from a comfy perch on the sofa, so I think that counts. Kind of. I have SUCH a difficult time just doing nothing. Especially when that 'doing nothing' transfers to days of doing nothing.

Saturday I slept in until 10:45. 10:45!!! What the...? Then I just hung around the house, watching Food Network, until we went to see a movie in the afternoon. I figured that getting out of the house for that couldn't be much different than watching a movie at home, right? We then went to Jim's work Christmas party. I shouldn't have gone, but far be it from me to stay at home when there's a party going on! :S It was a lot of fun, and I'm glad I went, but I feel like poo again today.

Thus...here I am. In bed. Mouse poop being cleaned up in the kitchen without me. Well...maybe there are some reasons to be thankful I'm sick-I don't mind leaving the mouse poop for someone else. ;)

My husband keeps coming in to tell me I 'should be sleeping' and not on the computer...so I suppose I'll stop my random jaunt of typing *insert sneeze here* just to pass the time and try to actually get some REAL rest.

Thankfulness just doesn't seem enough

2010-11-24T19:52:00.000-08:00

I can never decide whether to first name my blog post and write off of that, or write my blog and name it at the end. This time, I've started without a name...we'll see where it ends up.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving-the day where we celebrate the blessings in our life; the things we're grateful for like our homes, families, good food, etc. And for these, I am thankful. But for so much more than this. We talked about thankfulness at our small group last week, and how our thankfulness shouldn't lie in our blessings-or even in learning through trials-these are all just things in our life. Our true thankfulness should lie in Who God is; His truth, His character. When our thankfulness begins there, it also ends there. There is nothing more important, more crucial, more of a blessing.

It's odd-I can write about this, and grasp it in my own mind to an extent. I know it's truth, and say I believe it, but struggle to live it out in my daily life. Thank God for grace. I tend to put a lot of stock in what people say and/or think, and in my professional life, this tends to overwhelm me. I am the 'go-to' person for a lot of things, and enjoy my role greatly. This also consistently puts me in situations where I am the one that has to handle issues, give correction, etc. and I become consumed with trying to make everyone happy at all times, and to make all things go smoothly; part of this is my pride, wanting to be able to handle every situation that arises. Part of it is wanting to be a 'good' boss/business partner, etc. and not have anyone upset, ever. Hello Alisha, this is reality, people are fallen, and I'm not perfect. Shocking, I know.

But, in all of this, His grace is sufficient for me. There is nothing more I need to know, nothing more to trust, than that when I am weak, Christ is strong. Not only strong, but His power is displayed all the more when I am weak. Oh, to be able to live in that truth daily-knowing His love and grace are more than enough to get me through any long day, any circumstance that I may face. And I am truly grateful. And I am grateful that God has chosen to use me in a way to minister to a very incredible population, and that I just happen to get a paycheck to do it.

Jesus, cast a look on me
Give me sweet simplicity
Make me poor and keep me low
Seeking only Thee to know

Oh-and I decided on a name for the post. :)

I should have been born in the 1800s.

2010-10-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

And in England, for that matter. I'm an old soul, I admit it. I love Pride and Prejudice-I would talk in the accent if I could, but I can't (just as Jim)-so I settle for at least using words and phrases like "nonsensical" and "lack of propriety".

This post stems from the fact that today, my day off (praise the LORD!!) I was extremely excited to make-and can-apple butter. Yep, sometimes I act like an 80 year old woman, and I'm happy to say it. I'm also excited to clean and organize my house, possibly read some Anne of Avonlea (right up there with Pride and Prejudice) and enjoy this gorgeous fall day.

I'll try to post pictures of my apple butter making attempt after it's all done and I know it tastes good! :)

P.S.-I would advocate for reading the book first, but if you're going to watch the movie, go with the 5 1/2 hour A & E version of Pride and Prejudice. Anything else is just nonsensical.

Rainy days are good for pondering...

2010-09-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

Rain. Nothing is quite so comforting to the soul as a rainy day. Coffee all day long, a warm bowl of lentil soup for lunch, boots, sweaters...it just feels good.

I think part of the reason I like rainy days is that they force me to slow down, to just drink life in a little bit more and not rush so much. (except to and from the car maybe to avoid getting drenched) I feel like I take a step back, look at my life, and just breathe. Ahhhh....doesn't it just give some life to your soul?

I am a constantly busy person. Some because I have to be; a lot because of choice. I love people, I love traveling, I love seeing, doing and trying everything life has to offer, and somehow, I'm convinced it should all fit neatly into one 24 hour period. Yeah, right. Alas, I still haven't quite grasped the concept that relaxing doesn't equal laziness and that home is sometimes, (oftentimes) a much better place to spend my time than other options.

So, thank you, rainy day. For slowing me down, making me stop, listen and look around at all the beauty that surrounds my everyday life; that lies in making a pot of soup, doing some laundry, and listening to the pitter-patter of drops against the window. It is a good day.

Delicious Autumn!

2010-09-26T05:37:00.000-07:00

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."-George Eliot

(random bit of fact: George Eliot isn't really himself; he's a girl. It's her pen name-look it up)

Let me start this post by noting the irony of my last post entitled "I need to start blogging more"...it was dated May 12. Oh well, can't win 'em all I suppose...

Oh, how I love this time of year! Everything about fall just makes me smile; I have a renewed energy for life-it's just beautiful. I love things about each season, to be sure; but by the time summer is winding down I'm ready for a relief from the heat, ready to feel a cool breeze blowing through my house, ready to have to wrap myself in a sweater just to sit on the porch drinking my coffee in the morning.

For me, Autumn starts as of September 1st (who cares what that calendar says!). Some years, this works in my favor, as it starts cooling off and while other people are complaining that "summer isn't over yet! why is it cold?" I'm doing an inner dance (sometimes outwardly too...) This year, however, summer has lasted...and lasted...and lasted.

The first "official" day of fall was Thursday, and I think the high was somewhere around 96 degrees. I tried to make it a fallish day, but when you're sweating and trying to wear the least amount of clothes possible yet still appear "professional"-it makes being all autumnal slightly difficult. I also baked pumpkin cookies this week (5 dozen...don't ask), put out the fall decor, made apple/zucchini bread, and we had our company fall picnic. All in the midst of the Indian Summer-like weather.

So, you can imagine my anticipation all week when the forecast was calling for highs in the 60s today, and rain (which has also been severely lacking). And you can subsequently imagine my utter excitement when I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain falling and realized that they may have actually had a pretty accurate forecast. Sure enough-I woke this morning to cold, wind and rain; and I did a little dance to welcome the Autumn. (the blinds were still closed, no worries)

Welcome Autumn! (on a side note, I love that my first post in 4 months was just about the weather.)

I need to start blogging more

2010-05-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've noticed I only blog when I'm particularly pensive. I guess that's not a bad thing, but it'd be nice to just have random updates I'm sure. I'll work on that. :)

I have been in the weirdest funk I think I've ever had. This week I have been exhausted, angry, sad, overwhelmed and just want to avoid everyday life for some reason. I'm not exactly sure when this started, but it's a very odd feeling for me. Work has been crazy busy, which is awesome for the company, but really difficult for everyone. I'm not the only employee who is over-worked, so I know I'm not alone; I think I've just been more stressed because people always come to me to take care of everything. We're looking for someone to hire to take over the Deaf caseload; I have a full-time job without any billable time, but there are enough billable hours for the Deaf caseload for another full time person, and I'm doing both.

Actually, that may be where it started. From a few things that have recently happened, I've realized that I do always take care of things, manage whatever craziness is going on whether at work or home, and people know I can get it done. I know this is something I should be happy about, but I think it's been a little much lately. I'm not an overly outwardly emotional person, I tend to think very logically which is why I multi-task so much. But there is such a thing as too much.

We are trying to get pregnant, which is a much more emotional thing than I realized it would be. It's only been a couple of months, but I for some reason didn't know the emotional roller coaster it puts you on when it doesn't happen right away. I know God has a plan for any child that He chooses to give us, and their life is already laid out and will come in due time...but as a human, and as a girl, it does things to you I just didn't expect. I think that the feeling of being needed so much by not only a caseload of clients but also in a supervisory role, I don't feel like I have a lot of time to manage my own feelings and emotions, and I have a lot of them rolling around inside of me right now.

My husband, however, is very supportive, and I am so grateful for him! Even with my crazy moods and not even understanding everything I'm going through myself, he is just loving me, and that is more helpful than I can explain.

So...there's another pensive, random post. I really am going to work on that...

For what it's worth

2010-03-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking and stewing, pondering and questioning this whole health care reform bill. (just ask my husband...that's why I'm blogging, to hopefully not bother him with more of my out-loud thoughts!) What is it, what does it really mean for me as an American, for my family, etc. What follows are some of what has been going through my mind-

Let me clarify that I did not support the passage of this bill. No, not because it may or may not have had abortion funding, or because historically I have checked the little 'R' box when voting. I opposed it because I don't think anyone really knows what all it says, and what the ramifications of it being passed in its entirety will be. You can't sum up an 1100 page bill in a single article about "What Health Care Reform Will Mean for You". We didn't come up with all of our current health care systems in one drastic vote...so why are we trying to change them all in one? Politics, that's why.

On both sides of the coin, Republican and Democrat, the votes for and against this bill were, overall, just a political game. (note: I am not saying all votes were based on this, but I do think an overwhelming majority were) I did appreciate some of the logical arguments that I heard both for and against it (it could federally fund abortions, there were special favors built in, it will provide coverage for people with cancer and other pre-existing conditions, etc.). However, I kept hearing the SAME arguments from either side. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I would have gotten an F in school for summarizing only 4 or 5 main points of an 1100 page book. What I am saying is, whatever side you're on, this was not researched thoroughly enough. And I'm willing to bet that the Democrats weren't the only ones getting their backs scratched to win votes.

That brings me to another related topic. I am neither Republican nor Democrat. You may be thinking...wait a minute-what? Something that I think this whole issue has brought out more than anything else in recent history is that there are a large number of people in the Christian realm who identify the terms 'Christian' and 'Republican' to mean the same thing. If this comes as a shock, I'm sorry but, they don't. (and along the same lines, 'Democrat' doesn't mean 'Satan-worshipping baby-killer' either) I think being Christian means holding to Godly principles-all of them, not just 'pet' projects that are the media-attention grabbers.

Before you start thinking "That's it, she's gone liberal"...I shall attempt to explain my thought process. Republicans and Christians alike are noted for their pro-life stance. Good! I am 100% pro-life all the time, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Funny thing about being pro-life, that means quality of life for people after they are born too: especially the disabled, poor, sick, orphans, widows, etc. (reference James 1 in the Bible if you're curious on that one). And, I have no problem saying, Democrats tend to trump Republicans on focusing on this one.

I don't think that the general Democratic way of going about it is always right (i.e. I am NOT in support of socialized healthcare), however, good for them for making an attempt. People know I work with the disabled population, but a lot of people don't know that it also includes a lot of underprivileged, disadvantaged people as well. Yes, a lot of them are black and a lot of them live in the 'ghetto'. And guess what? A lot of them are trying to just get someone to give them a fair shake, and a lot of Christians/Republicans I know would group them in the "get a job and stop mooching" category. I'll clue you in here: they can't get a job if no one is willing to give them an opportunity.

Yes, there are a lot of people who misuse the government aid that is available and that is shameful. I think a lot of those programs need some reform themselves. But there are a lot of people that do not. Sadly, they get grouped in based on economic status, color of skin, or where they live. Since when did American Christians decide that it is OK to travel to a foreign, poverty-stricken country to help those in need (who also may have made some seriously poor life choices), but that "those kind of people" here in the U.S. don't need to see the love of Christ just as much? And not in an 'I feel sorry for you' kind of way, but in a genuine, Christ-centered, let me come to your house and give you some much needed food, or heat, or paint...or whatever.

Whatever your opinion on health care, on politics, on our President...if you're a Christian, let's remember that that is where our identity is to lie. Not with a political party, not with just one hot-button issue, but in the fact that we are all sinners saved by the grace of a loving and sovereign God. And that puts us all on the same playing field. So, next time we're prone to complain about someone misusing the system, or needing to work, or whatever, stop and ask yourself...how can I help? Maybe they just need someone to show them the basics of how to work (you'd be surprised how many people haven't been taught that), or maybe they just need some encouragement and support. If we don't reach out as a church body, why do we expect our government to do it the right way?

So, for what it's worth...there it is. Maybe that's why they say it's only my '2 cents'. ;)

Growing Pains

2010-02-07T11:25:00.000-08:00

It's easier said than done. I've been thinking a lot about it lately...I feel like I go through stages of feeling like life is completely balanced, and then the polar opposite of it being completely chaotic. Currently, it's been the latter. This time, however, I think I'm looking at it a little differently than the other times.

I should clarify-I don't think I'm going to ever have this constant feeling of stability (although as a woman that's what I crave)...but I think choices I am making are causing things to feel more chaotic than they need to be. Things like work vs. home. Social life vs. just relaxing. Ensuring that "me time" is edifying vs. browsing on Facebook for an hour. I don't think any of these things are bad in and of themselves, but when they take up too much time and compound on each other, life gets a little hectic.

Jim gave me a wake-up call the other day: he looked at me and said "You're working too much and it's not healthy; what do we need to do to fix that?" That kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. My husband and my home are to be my priorities, no matter how many tasks I have to complete at the office. I have been really unsettled, feeling as though I am not taking care of my family the way I should. Not in a "let me put more pressure on myself" kind of way, just in a, "Hey you. Check your priorities, now!" kind of way. :)

When work is what takes up my day, that tends to be what I get wrapped up in and I go at it full-speed. Obviously, I don't want to give a half-hearted effort at work, but I need to learn what it means to work at EVERYTHING I do as working for the Lord-that includes work, home, social life, relaxing, exercising, eating...everything. Giving 110% to one thing that leaves me exhausted to give anything to the others isn't fair...nor is it right. Growing up...it's hard to do.

Providence and other thoughts...

2009-11-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

I really need to get a little better about this whole blogging thing! You wouldn't believe how many times I start thinking about something and say to myself "I should blog about this!"...and look where that gets me, considering my last post was in August!

A lot has happened since then; in fact, within a couple of days of that post, our life got a little flipped upside down! Jim also worked for CSS, but in a different section of it. With the new company starting, the 2 sections were kind of splitting and gradually are becoming 2 completely separate entities. We had a lot of late night discussions those last few days in August, but we finally both came to the agreement that Jim wasn't supposed to stay with the bakery. We were back and forth with it a lot, as he didn't have any job prospects on the horizon, but God used a specific incident for us to say, 'OK, this is it, time to look for a new job'. It was hard: hard on him because he had grown to love his job there; hard on me because there was a lot of tension in the company already; hard on us because this meant we were down to living on one income for who knew how long.

Jim was able to meet with a good friend, Russell Darnell, who had been through this same experience about 1 year prior. His insight was beyond valuable, and really helped Jim learn how to use the time to grow and learn some more about himself. The first month wasn't too bad, financially speaking, as we had his last paycheck from CSS and were able to bank some of his unemployment for the following month. He got into a good routine and was kind of enjoying being able to help out family and friends, exercise, and read. After about 3 weeks, it started getting a little harder on him. He had no prospects for a job, and everything was telling him he would have to go back to school to get the job he wanted. He didn't want to go get just "a job" as we have started talking about starting a family and didn't want to go through this again in a few months, when he needed more income. I know it was a huge growing experience for him during this time, as he had to depend on God completely, not knowing when or where this job would come into play; as a man that is extremely difficult! We had a lot of open conversations about how we both were feeling (more from my side later on); he did have a hard time knowing the pressure of paying the bills all fell on me, and his hands were kind of tied.

Praise the Lord, however, He provided work in so many different ways. Jim was able to remodel his sister's nursery for her soon-to-be born daughter, he did a lot of renovations for our dear friends the Deals, and had quite a few cake orders! Between that, his very measly-sized unemployment checks (there was a little bit of a weird situation resulting in his getting only about 30% of his previous income), and a little bit of downsizing and being creative in our budget, along with some generous gifts God graciously provided through friends...we made it! Not only did we make it, but we still have our emergency fund intact: how crazy is that?! Jim has now started a job with the Lynchburg League of Therapists; to say he loves it so far is an understatement...I have never seen him so excited to go into work!! Even from the financial end, this job provides us with the realistic prospect of starting a family where I can be at home most of the time.

We both learned a lot about dependence during that time...which, if you know me, is a huge deal, because I am very independent! I'll have another post soon hopefully about my perspective during this whole season; I just wanted to share a little of what we went through, and give glory to God for His provision. We always hear of people's stories of provision, but it's such an amazing thing when you experience it for yourself. As an example, we had some friends who were also struggling financially (due to circumstances, not because of a lack of frugality), and we really felt that we were to help them out. I'm not usually the one to say 'yes! let's give away money!', but it was something Jim and I agreed upon, and was honestly something that we had to completely depend on the Lord for, as it wasn't extra money that we had. (I say this to say, I'm not bragging, because of my own will, this would not have happened)

That same evening, we were given a gift of DOUBLE the amount we had just given away. If that doesn't humble you, I don't know what will. I still tear up thinking about it, as I tend to doubt God so much in even the small things in life, yet He has never not provided for not only our basic needs, but we live a very comfortable life! Shame on me for my lack of faith, but praise to God that He provides all the faith I need, exactly when I need it!

Realizations

2009-08-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

If you follow my blog at all, you'll notice I haven't updated very much...I attribute that to the fact that I am not just busy, but so much so that's it's unhealthy, and that needs to change.

A lot has been going on in my life, and Jim's (i.e. OURS); lots of emotional ups and downs, financial ups and downs...just one big rollercoaster. And if you know me at all, I'm not one for emotional craziness, so it's been all the more taxing for that reason alone.

My job has become my life, and I hate...no ABHORE that fact. Because the company has been so unstable, it's required a lot of crazy scheduling and hours to make it float. However, I've let it require that of me. We were talking last night in small group about things we struggle with (per James 4)...the desires that can so easily take over. One of my major ones is control. If I don't think something will get done the right way, I'd rather do it myself to ensure that it is done properly, and in doing so, waste my life away doing it.

With all the drama and instability that has been going on, it was very difficult for me to feel comfortable giving anything over to anyone else to do. Part of it is because I am overloaded with work, but part of it is my own doing.

I'm in a weird phase of life where I really want a career, but I also kind of just want to work P/T and be able to really take care of our house and just enjoy life! Jim made a good point-I should probably get my career stuff going now, because if I don't, knowing me, I'll probably wonder "what if" at some point later. Not that I wouldn't be content, but that's something I definitely struggle with.

I'm kind of just righting my stream of consciousness, so this may just be blabber, but it's good to write it out. The company is closing and the new one starting on Tuesday. I'm excited for it, but also hesitant...I want it to do really well; what I don't know is where my role is in that. Until I figure it out, I will continue doing my job, doing my best-but doing it moderately! For someone who is such a proponent of moderation, I've been doing a pretty sucky job at it when it comes to work vs. home life. It will be interesting as well, as Jim is not continuing with the company and is again looking for work. It's a bit of a struggle sometimes to feel that I have to work to support us; I'm not bitter about that fact, just struggle with the weight of it sometimes I guess, especially when I feel I'm the only girl among my friends who is in that position.

All of this to say-who knows where this is leading. God has it all worked out already, I just have to follow His leading and trust His sovereignty, which is extremely comforting. That's why I haven't freaked out about it all I think-I know we'll be provided for no matter what. For the time being, I'll be doing the very best job I can...but within a schedule and hours that allow me to prioritize my family and my life far above anything at the office.

I'm not exactly a hippie...Part 2

2009-07-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

This kind of lifestyle is definitely easier said than done. The cultural norm in America is that we stay busy ALL the time (I need to work on lessening that myself!), so our eating habits, cleaning habits and exercise habits need to fit into that lifestyle. However, most good things don't come at the snap of a finger-they take time! Think about it-would you prefer a McDonald's hamburger, or a slow-cooked fillet Mignon (providing you like beef)? Pretty sure the fillet-it takes longer, but it's worth it! Same goes for our health. So maybe you have to actually prepare a dinner from scratch rather than heat up some pre-prepared frozen food item. Maybe we have to spend a little more money to get non-pesticide covered food rather than the cheap genetically enhanced food that doesn't even look natural. It's worth it-not only for our health now, but for our future health as well!

I look at both my and Jim's family, and while our great-grandparents lived to be quite old and most of our grandparents are still living, there are a lot of other health/body issues in both families on both sides! High blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes, cancer, Autism, over-weight, depression...the list goes on. I don't think ALL of it could be prevented through diet, but a lot of it could be helped that way. The same goes for medication-I think that it can be a good thing, obviously God has given doctors/researchers the brains to develop treatments for things, but sometimes those are developed out of the same "quick fix" mentality, not caring so much about the possible side effects. I mean, the drug commercials anymore consist of 45 seconds of listing possible side effects and 15 of advertising the actual medication! Then, you have to get on more medication for the side effects of the other medicine you are on...and so on.

I've seen the results of living a healthier, natural lifestyle in our own home. When we were first married, I was on birth control, but began having a ton of health problems. I had eye problems and couldn't wear contacts for 6 months, horrible pain in my ovaries, headaches, random swelling in my joints, and traveling blood clots. (not saying it's wrong-I just am not a fan now of putting added hormones unnecessarily into my body.) The doctors kept trying to switch the birth control, but the side effects would just start over again after about a month. So, we decided I would just stop taking it. Surprisingly (or maybe not), the side effects slowly lessened, then stopped! Blood clots dissipated, swelling went down, eye sight cleared up...it was great! Now, that does mean we have to be a little more "careful", since we're not wanting to get pregnant yet...and yes, that can be inconvenient. But, to me, the health risks aren't worth the convenience.

Shortly thereafter, I started getting rid of buying food with preservatives in it, and have gradually gone to using as much "whole" and natural food as possible. It's been a challenge, as Jim's not always as big a fan of the different tastes and textures, but he's actually learned that he likes a lot of the food and will choose it now on his own! The health benefits have been awesome-Jim's been sick only once-MAYBE twice-in the past 2 years or so (he does still eat quite a bit of processed sugar...we're working on that one. ;) ), and I haven't been actually SICK at all! Maybe a little worn down from working too much or traveling, but no colds, flu, sinus infections...nada. We also go to the chiropractor 2x/month, which I think contributes as well. It's amazing how much you can save on dr. bills...when you look at it that way, the little bit of extra money for food isn't bad at all!

I'm not exactly a hippie...Part 1

2009-07-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

But I do tend towards the "earthy" things. It's something that tends to cause occasional disruption on the homefront, as buying natural products tends to be a little more costly. It's not always, however, as one can score some great coupons and find good sales if looking hard enough. Plus, during the summer, growing your own veggies and/or buying them locally at the market actually saves a ton of money!

I'm not totally organic...there are some things that can be all-natural without being organic and still OK. However, I'm among the group of thought that if it's not something that is of natural origin, I don't think my body was meant to process it. That not only goes for food, but even for body care products, laundry detergent and the like. Thus the cause of a 15 minute debate at the grocery store over laundry detergent today. The ALL "free and clear" was on sale for $5/box, which did 40 loads of laundry. The BioKleen cost $18/box, but did 100 loads. So, we could buy 3 boxes of the ALL that would do about the same amount as the one box of BioKleen, but it would be still cheaper. Do we go with the cheaper, or the all-natural: thus our debate. We ended up with my first instinct: the BioKleen. Why? I mean, the the ALL was phosphate-free, plus free of dyes and perfumes, so that's all good. But, when looking at the ingredients, the first thing listed was "various cleaning agents". In the words of the SNL McGruber "What does that even mean?!"

If a national, well-known company is selling detergent, you know their main goal is to make a profit. So when it says "various cleaning agents", that does not make me feel very comfortable. There should be no reason they don't list every ingredient in their product. More than likely, it has sulfates and aluminum in it-neither of which are great for absorbing into your body. I may sound a bit extreme, but I'm convinced that a lot of the reason that people are so frequently sick, getting diseases and disorders (such as cancer, Autism, high blood pressure...) is because of our American "quick and easy" lifestyle. Let me clarify: I am NOT saying that all of these things are caused this way-sometimes they just happen because we live in a fallen world. However, I think a lot of things could be prevented if we take a step back and re-evaluate the "normal" way of life.

Slacking...

2009-06-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

So, um...it's been over a month since my last blog. Oops. The funny thing about blogging is, once you start, you really can't stop. Sure, I may have a dry spell here and there, and then a "mountain top" (for you who grew up Baptist) blogging experience where I can't get enough...but regardless, I can't leave it. It beckons. I feel semi-guilty if I don't blog, which is funny, because I'm sure only about 2.3 people ever really read it!

I may post some more serious things in the next couple days, but I think I'll catch you up on some random happenings in my life first:

-we have a new refrigerator. Ours officially went kaput, and thank God for Dave Ramsey, as we had more than enough saved to get a new one. Granted, the Lowe's saleswoman made me want to slap her, but they had the best price, so in the end they one. I never thought the sound of an icemaker would be so comforting...
-my love affair with J. Crew has deepened. Not only did they have a sale again and I got some great stuff, but I actually tried to shop for things elsewhere (other than Ann Taylor) and failed miserably. I just wanted denim shorts, that's all. After about 2 hours of trying on everything I could find, I finally found one pair at New York and Company. It was buy one get one free, so I think "Great! I'll get a pair in a different color!" But nooooo...the same shorts in a different color of course fit entirely differently. So I settled for a free tank top, which I will probably return. J. Crew, I return to you, having learned my lesson.
-my husband is obsessed with Star Trek. I never knew quite how much until we started NetFlix. However, it works, because I like my downtime, and now he has something he likes to do as well. :)
-I don't like humidity. It has been pretty disgusting for the past couple of weeks, and it makes me actually want to stay inside, which is pure insanity for me. Thankfully, the evenings have been cooler, so I've been able to get out then. My exercise routine is severely lacking, however...I need to get on that!
-Me + the beach need to have a date ASAP. I am so in need of some rest and waves...just me and Jim would be great. Maybe we'll do that for our anniversary...
-I accomplished another of my bucket list goals: Learn to play the guitar. Jim taught me some basic chords, and I very slowly (and very badly) played a couple of songs, but hey, it counts!
-I actually, for a few brief moments, considered moving from Lynchburg...I may blog more about that later...
-Another one of my "unofficial, but should be official" items on my bucket list was accomplished: meeting Danny and Zack (and Pepe and Monica) from K92. Went to the Pancake Breakfast, got some pics, hung out and talked, and met up with them at Friday Cheers! we may be BFFs...speaking of Friday Cheers...
-best. thing. ever. Seriously. It's all the locals, dancing, having a great time, and is some of the best people watching ever. Like Cattle Annie's on crack. There's the American flag man in the tight black jeans, who has his own little dance party every time. There's the big hairy man with the gut who you can measure how drunk he is by how far his shirt is unbuttoned, and how much he hits on women with mullets. Then there's "Rocky"...he's my favorite so far.
-I got Jim to watch Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. I forgot how much I ADORE those movies. We used to watch them all the time growing up...rainy Saturday? Anne. Sick in bed? Anne. I wanted to be her...to be so careless and outspoken and free. And to marry Gil, because he's just the best. And because I'm like Anne, and it would take me 5 years to realize he was the right guy for me!
-I have discovered flax seed, and put it in as much food as possible. Jim, when having an upset stomach tonight (it tends to um...make you more regular, shall we say), blamed it on flax...although I hadn't actually put any in his food today, lol.

All in all...it's been a busy, hectic, yet fun past few weeks. Jim was finally able to "officially" graduate, funny robe and all-I'm so proud of him! Work has been...well, work. Kelly's back at the office, which is nice, more pleasant to be there now. Back and forth and a little frustrating as always, but it's getting better.

I feel like that was a decent post, if I do say so myself! More to come...sometime. ;)

Why I love my friends

2009-05-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

I plan on posting some pics soon, but I just have to say I have the best friends and hubby ever!! They worked together to surprise me for my birthday by having a surprise girls' weekend (well, almost surprise! ;) ) Emily came down from MD and Gini came up from NC; Kerra was unable to come but helped plan the whole thing, and I found out basically everyone in my life knew about it but me! We had a great time, good memories were made for sure! No matter where life takes all of us, we will always have our girls' weekends, and for that I am truly thankful! (Especially with the help of Emily's fancy calendars!) Love you ladies!

FedEx

2009-04-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

Can I just say how thankful I am for them? Not only because they ship packages with great care, ;) but the guys there have absolutely amazing. Not only do they do everything possible to help my consumers succeed, but have become very dear friends to me and I know they've got my back. That means a lot. So, even though I don't think any of them read this: Thanks guys. You rock.

Life

2009-04-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

I really need to keep up with this more...so, rather than my usual blog about something specific, I'm just going to blog about life in general-saves time. :)

We got to go visit my parents in Iowa last month and had a great time. I got to see the house they are building and the plans they are making for it, help them out with that, and spend some quality time with my brother and sister as well. I really miss my family; it's a weird dynamic. I love VA and don't ever really want to move (unless it's to Italy of course, or maybe the Carolinas) so I am coming to the realization we may always be far away. But who knows...when we have kids that all could change.

We started a new small group and I am really enjoying it so far. Our old one I love, but it was getting so big, and a lot of the people had kids and we are in two very different stages in life. The new small group, while having a couple of kids in it, consists of those of us in similar life stages, so I feel I can relate a little easier in conversation and be more open, which I like. One of the couples just had their offer accepted on a house 2 blocks from us, so I'm excited to be close to some more friends!

Work has been...well, hellish. Jim almost got laid off; thankfully I found some more hours for him. He is considering looking for another job, which I don't blame him for in the least. I know he's the "low man on the totem pole"; but I feel like he's been jerked around way too much because of that, and it's always done without goign through me first, which is strange, since I'm his supervisor.

That has been one of the most frustrating things for me lately...decisions keep being made that directly affect me and the job coaches I supervise, but I am not involved in any of those decisions, just informed after the fact. I can't really do my job when I'm not involved in how things are run. There are also some things going on that I don't ethically agree with, if I'm going to be blunt. I've expressed my views on these things and have taken my hands out of it. It is honestly not a result of the economy, but of poor financial planning and investments, and now it's coming back to bite people and they are trying to save their asses. It's frustrating to have to be caught up in that, especially when a lot of it could have been avoided in the first place. But then again...what can I say? I don't own the company, so I guess my opinion isn't worth that much. (sarcasm noted) Not to say it's completely a result of lack of financial planning...there are some things out of their hands that have impacted things; I just don't think it would have been such a drastic effect if things were handled better leading up to now.

Let's see...what else? My birthday was yesterday, and I loved it. Had the day off, spent it walking, reading, gardening and just being relaxed! Had dinner and dessert with a few friends, and am having a cocktail party this weekend which I am really excited for! Jim has something planned for Friday night that he won't tell me about...although I have an idea of what it is. I could be wrong, but things are pointing to that, and I think I'm on to him (and a few other people). We shall see...

I just finished reading the book "The Unlikely Disciple" and would higly recommend it. I may write another blog post about that sometime-very itneresting seeing an "outsiders" perspectives on LU. Funny thing is, most of the things that he has issues with are the same things I have issues with (as far as how they handle certain things, some rules, etc). The difference is that I have found that the truth isn't what LU is doing in those situations-shocker: much of what they do is NOT Biblical-but that the Bible, when read and studied thoroughly, is truth. And that truth would probably get you kicked out of LU, or at least fined some serious reps. :)

Anywho...I think I'm going to head home for some lunch. I've been organizing my files and the office, which is taking a lot of time...not a bad thing, kind of relaxing since I'm a little type A about things being organized...:)

Peace.

Bucket List

2009-04-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

I've had one of these for a while, but decided to follow the crowd and post mine here as well. I'm sure I'll be adding to it, and I've accomplished at least one of them so far! :)

1. Become a certified interpreter. (check!)

2. Live in Italy for a year.

3. Skydive-(Gini Matz, we should do this together)

4. Run a marathon

5. Teach dance (again)

6. Meet John Mayer (I'm awful, I know)

7. Be on the Today Show, as a guest

8. Write a book

9. Travel Europe

10. Be debt-free and self insured. (i.e.-have enough in mutual funds I don't need insurance!)

11. Have a job, just once, where they send me on fun business trips.

12. Have a large vegetable garden.

13. Adopt or foster a child with special needs.

14. Drive a 1966 Shelby Cobra.

.....so far that's what I have. I know there's more. I'll just have to add to it!

I'm 23...really?

2009-03-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

Why again am I trying to run a company? Someone remind me. Please. Because today, I'm about ready to say screw it. I'm working at Starbucks.

The Happiest Place on Earth is Not Disney World...

2009-03-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

...it's at a dance for people with disabilities. No lie-this should be on everyone's bucket list.

Friends

2009-03-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

I need to go unpack and clean a little, so this will be short. I just wanted to say I love my friends. I just got back from girls' weekend, and thoroughly enjoyed myself, as usual. Katie and I were talking on the way home about just how different we all are, and our little personality quirks, but we all somehow just click. Even when we don't agree, or think someone is being stupid, ultimately we have each other's backs and would be there in a heartbeat, no matter what. And for that, I am forever grateful. I am incredibly blessed to have such wonderful, beautiful, fun women in my life and don't ever want to take that for granted! Pictures to come soon...once I can steal them from Gini since I forgot my camera!

Peace.

T-Shirts

2009-02-26T10:54:00.000-08:00

I've had a few conversations lately with a variety of people, all centering around the same topic: Christianity. If you know me very long at all, you will come to find out that I can't stand the way that 'Christian' has become a term that doesn't define who one is, but IS defined by a certain Americanized stereotype-a stereotype that, sadly, is usually not far from the truth.

While I learned a lot growing up and many of my experiences have shaped the way I view things now, there were many things that churches I attended and Christians I looked up to took part in that, looking back, were as far from 'Christian' as I want to be. Things like getting into theological debates with people on the streets of Chicago because we were 'practicing witnessing' while at a summer camp, or standing on a bridge holding signs saying things like 'Abortion is Murder'. When I think about how those people must have responded-how I would have responded-in those situations, it basically comes down to "Screw you."

I'm not saying that I don't stand up for my beliefs, or share those with others, but I think there is a right and wrong way to go about it, and the previously mentioned tactics would go under the 'wrong' category. Jesus Himself spent lots of time with those He ministered to, getting to know them and where they were in life, practically SHOWING the message He was preaching. I think meeting someone's need, such as bringing them food when their husband was laid off, shows Christ's love, rather than saying, "You're a sinner, you need Jesus." Yes, they need Jesus, but right then, they need food.

It's like if I knew a friend was looking for a dining room table (OK, this is on a MUCH smaller scale, but go with it), and I found a great deal on one that was great quality I knew they would like. I would share with them what I had found because I knew from my own experience how it could meet their need, not because they were a random person on the street and I said "Hey, there's a table inside, it's cheap, you should buy it right now!" Same thing with the gospel. If I share it with you, I want it to be because of the impact it's had on my life, and I can see how it's going to truly impact yours, not because I think I'm right and you're wrong.

All of that can be summed up in this one amazing song by Derek Webb. If you don't know him, you should look him up: he's satirical, ironic, sarcastic, but most of all....honest. Enjoy.

T-Shirts
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

chorus
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars '
beneath these t-shirts that we wear

Spontaneity

2009-02-15T18:11:00.001-08:00

I am not one for Valentine's Day. Maybe I'm cynical, but I find it so cliche. At least for right now. I think when I have kids it will be a lot of fun, but I prefer randomness and total surprises verses a planned day that everyone else also has planned to celebrate, and that feeds off consumers so that every price is jacked up.

Because of this, I asked Jim not to do anything for me on Valentine's day, but to just randomly do something some other time. Last week we were at Whole Foods and found some Hydrangea for $4, which is my favorite flower, so we got that, and it is still blooming away in my kitchen, so I'm happy. :) I say all of this to preface the fact that I was just expecting a non-exciting Saturday, possibly working around the house, nothing big.

Jim, however, woke up and actually suggested we go check out books from the library and then go sit OUTSIDE at the park and read them-he thought it sounded fun. If you know me, you know I LOVE to read, and am slightly obsessed with being outside. And if you know Jim, you know that he would much prefer to be inside, probably working on the house. So, I took full advantage of this opportunity. We went to the library, then stopped at the J. Crew sale (which I'm also obsessed with) then on to the park. We read until it got chilly, then he suggested going to Dicken's bookstore for coffee...another 2 of my favorite things. Then, he decided to make a completely random drive to Roanoke to eat at Red Robin, because he wanted their ranch and fries! Again, COMPLETELY out of the ordinary for Jim! So...on to Roanoke we went, grabbed dinner, and drove back to meet Matt and Sara for drinks and some Wii playing.

Today, we went to Charlottesville to meet Jim's family for lunch/watching the Daytona 500. (no way that was being missed by certain members of the family, lol) We got to go to Whole Foods, then hung out a Wild Wings all afternoon.

My weekend has consisted of books, J. Crew, outdoors with beautiful weather, coffee, travel, great friends, family, Whole Foods, wings and some Blue Moon. Seriously, this has been a great weekend, and completely unexpected...which is how I like it! :)

On a side note...I am watching I AM SAM on DVR...I adore this movie. I cry everytime I watch it, even though I can quote almost the whole thing. "These shoes...they light up. These would make great shoes for school." :D

Why I Can't Stand Stupid People.

2009-02-04T14:30:00.000-08:00

Some background: I am currently director of my company's Deaf and hard of hearing services program. I was recently moved into also being the supervisor of all the job coaches, and assisting in some of the operations and administration of the company. To be honest, I have no idea what my title is right now! While I am enjoying it, I am realizing that promotions=more stress, this mostly caused by other people's stupidity.

You would think that I was talking about those I superivise...but no. They are wonderful. I have very little problems with them (not to mention one is one of my best friends and one is my husband). The ignorance I speak of comes from people (one in particular today, who shall remain nameless) at the state department. Nevermind that they are required to have Master's degrees, get to sit in their office most days from 9-5 while we actually work with the clients in the field at all hours of the day, or that they get paid double our salary. I truly believe 1/2 of them (not all-there are a few who are WONDERFUL) could qualify for services.

Today, I had to call this certain person because they asked one of the job coaches to change documentation because they didn't want to pay for it. This thing they didn't want to pay for? A meeting that they had called. Apparently, they decided that when they thought the meeting was over, they would keep the job coach there discussing other things, taking up their time, and not pay them for it. When I confronted the person on this, they actually said "Well, I hinted at them a couple times that I wouldn't pay for them to be there." You hinted?! You called the meeting! Until you say "We're finished, you can go", they are on your clock.

This wouldn't have upset me, had I not had run-ins very similar to this before. Every time I have spoken with this person, they talk down to me, seem to think that they are God, and are completely, utterly unprofessional. I'm sorry, but if you are a professional adult, please act like one. And the fact that I am over 1/2 your age and having to tell you that is very sad indeed.

Not knowing exactly how our job works, this probably makes no sense to anyone reading this (except Katie, lol). I just had to vent about it somewhere. I have an extremely low tolerance for rude and arrogant people, and have a tendency to see them as a challenge. I somehow decide to take it upon myself to remind them that they are no more special than anyone else, and in fact, with the way they act, deserve less respect than most other people. One of these days, that could get me in trouble, but I am one for being blunt and not beating around the bush. You are no better than anyone else, and if you haven't figured that out yet, it's about time someone told you. Life's much happier when you see people eye to eye, not staring down at the top of their head.

The Big Apple

2009-02-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

So...as a graduation present to Jim for completing his Master's degree, we took a little trip to NYC! It was an absolute blast, despite the FRIGID temps!! James and Katie went with us, and a good time was had by all! Here are some pics from our trip:

Crossing into New York via the Holland Tunnel.

At our WONDERFUL Italian restaurant before the show!

Me and the hubs in Times Square before seeing Phantom...which was amazing, btw!

The armor room...one of my favorite rooms at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

A lovely pianoforte on display at the Met.

Katie and James in The Black Sheep...fun little Irish Pub we found around the corner.

View of the Chrysler Building from our street corner. GREAT location.

All in all, a fabulous trip! I'll put more pics on facebook...Jim got some great ones on his "nice" camera while we were at Central Park.

Ice

2009-01-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

We may not get a lot of snow, but we do get this:

So far the power's been out and back on about 5 times...the entire street behind us is dark though. Good times!

Wasting Time

2009-01-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

What does "wasting time" constitute really? Because I am always in fear of wasting the precious time that I have. It's funny, because I pack so much into my life everyday that I don't know how I have any time left over to waste, yet I find I still find scraps of it to waste. Facebook, for example...I go online to "check my page" and 1/2 an hour later, am still there. I know that's OK on occasion, but I feel like that's something I do far too often.

Take my day yesterday, for example: Got up, gave the hubby some breakfast, cooked myself some breakfast, showered, got ready, left for an appt. around 8:30. That lasted till 11:30, then the chiropractor, then home for lunch. Then for about 2 1/2 hours I worked online, facebooked, (I love that that's a verb now) did a load of laundry, figured out details for our NYC trip (toll costs, gas costs, travel time, where to park, confirmed our Broadway tickets). I then left and went to work with a client in Lynchburg for a bit, then drove to FedEx in Salem, worked there till 7:30, drove home, watched 24 with some friends, went back out to drop some things off at a friend's house, then read till midnight.

When I list it all out like that, I think "Wow! I got a lot accomplished yesterday!" But when I'm in the midst of it all, I feel like I am doing absolutely nothing. I think it stems from the fact that I feel there is so much in life to see and do and experience, that I hate to miss it by doing the "mundane" things of everyday life. I want to explore, travel, meet new people, try new things...and laundry is definitely not a new thing! :) I even find myself thinking "I would love to volunteer for special olympics"...I work with the disabled community 8-10 hours/day, what am I thinking?! I guess I just want to be able to CHOOSE to do things, rather than HAVING to do them...don't we all.

I guess I need to learn how to find the beauty even in those little, everyday things that seem to have no impact on my life whatsoever. I know God has a purpose in everything, and I can find ways to live life abundantly no matter what it entails. This adult thing is rough sometimes...but I love it all the same.

Finally...

2009-01-26T11:21:00.000-08:00

I did it! I made a blog. Scratch that off my to-do list. Now...we'll see what this leads me to write about...